Royal Flush

I understand that plenty of Americans love pageantry and fashion shows – how else do you explain all those banal awards shows? But this notion of royalty makes me want to retch. As my father used to say, “a person can be rich and famous, or have a million degrees framed on the walls of his office, but that doesn’t make him any more special or different.”

Why in the name of the William Floyd Parkway would a Long Islander want to watch – or care about – the Royal Wedding?

 What you have here is a taxpayer-funded, multi-million dollar operation with billions of dollars in assets run by people whose only claim to the positions they hold came via birthright, yet the only way a woman would be allowed to be in charge is if there are no other men around in line for the job. What’s more un-American than that?

These Royal Folks have no discernible talents or achievements worth noting and/or that could possibly justify all the attention they receive. Let’s face it: the only difference between the Royal Wedding and an episode of the “Jersey Shore” is that the Royal folks dress better and there are decidedly fewer “F” bombs being dropped, at least within earshot of the camera.  Yet nobody thinks you’re being sarcastic when you refer to them as “Your Majesty” or “Your Highness.” Not that I ever would. Trust me when I tell you if I refer to you as “Your Majesty” or “Your Highness,” deferential is not on the menu.

A colossal waste of time is what I see when I look at all the hubbub about the Royal Wedding scheduled for this Friday. Why is every major news network sending crews and devoting hours of coverage to a wedding involving two people who may be very nice and quite possible do actually love each other but have zero relevance to our daily existence? And how did that “Royal Wedding” turn out? 

That’s why the attention and interest being paid to the Royal Wedding is a slap in the face to the Founding Fathers. John Hancock, Ben Franklin and Samuel Adams are more than just corporate icons. They were men who put their lives on the line and their personal fortunes at risk so future generations of Americans would have the freedom to work where they choose and create their own personal fortunes, not to hunker down in front of their television sets to watch hour after hour of Royal Wedding coverage. 

What the hell has Prince William and/or Kate Middleton ever done to generate so much excitement? Every time I see a member of the Royal family on camera he or she looks like he or she has to pee and is holding it in, and the next time one of them says something of interest will be the first time.

I understand that plenty of Americans love pageantry and fashion shows – how else do you explain all those banal awards shows?  But this notion of royalty makes me want to retch. As my father used to say, “a person can be rich and famous, or have a million degrees framed on the walls of his office, but that doesn’t make him any more special or different.” Last time I checked that’s what this country was founded on – we all get one vote and we all have just as much of a right to the brass ring as the next guy.

Speaking of the next guy, I also have to wonder where the outrage is regarding the Royal Family’s pecking order. Male progeny take precedence over female – even if the male is younger than the female, and God forbid any of them should marry a Roman Catholic. Seriously – that’s the rule, right there in black and white. No Roman Catholics allowed. If I’m not good enough to run your country because of my religious beliefs then I am certainly not about to spend any of my time watching your stupid wedding. So there. 

Rest assured you will not find me in front of the television set Friday morning, basking in the majesty of it all. If anything, I will schedule a business meeting at a diner and order my usual: An English muffin…in a diner by the William Floyd Parkway.

Author: Michael Watt

Michael Watt is President of Long Island Inc., a marketing and communications strategy firm devoted to helping Long Island companies, organizations and entrepreneurs achieve their business goals. Prior to founding Long Island Inc., Michael served as Executive Vice President of the Long Island Builders Institute (LIBI), dedicated to expanding the home building and remodeling environment on Long Island. Michael has also served as an adjunct professor at both Nassau Community College and Dowling College, receiving a Masters in Business from the latter, and authored a column for the Long Island Business News for five years. Having a Long Island-centric career spanning more than two decades earned Michael the moniker “Mr. Long Island” and allowed him to leverage his knowledge of the Island and extensive network of colleagues to establish Long Island Inc. If you wish to reach Michael you can email him at michaelwatt@longislandinc.com or visit his website, www.longislandinc.com.

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