How the Grinch Stole America

Inspired by Ted Cruz’s reading of “Green Eggs and Ham” on the Senate floor.

Every Who in America

Deserves healthcare,

But a faction of Republicans

Think that isn’t fair.


That faction hates Obama, his whole administration

They’ll be happy with nothing but psychic castration

of the Democratic party and all that they’ve worked for:

Especially entitlements that are aimed at the poor.

But healthcare, “Oh this comprehensive bill

That is the one thing we really must kill.

Even though it’s been watered down,

Negotiated and shredded,

And made into the law of the land where it’s headed!

No, we must stop it! And right in its tracks!

We’ll come up with a plan that’s light on the facts.

Fervent obstruction – that’s what we do!

Blatant destruction of all that is good.

And when it’s all over,

When the smoke clears,

When the Whos realize we’ve preyed on their fears,

We’ll make something up

And put it on Fox news.

We’ll all get behind Bachman and Cruz.”

It might be that Boehner’s head isn’t screwed on quite right.

Some say that his tan was sprayed on too bright

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his balls were two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason – his balls or his tan,

Boehner sat on the Hill without a plan.

And in came the Tea Party with crazy beliefs

To cave to the rich and to give no relief

To the people out there who got them elected

Who saw in Obama not Christ resurrected

But a man with dark skin who was their greatest threat

The biggest socialist that they’d ever met.

Whose father was Kenyan and who hid his college papers.

It was enough to give old Southern women the vapors.

But the worst part of all wasn’t the unprovable facts,

But the fact that this left-leaning commie was black.

That’s the one thing they hated – the blacks blacks blacks blacks.

They hated that more than corporate tax.


His legacy was healthcare, so they vowed to defeat it.

Personal responsibility was their idea! They felt so cheated.

So instead of supporting it as they had in the past

They vowed to kill it and with it, the middle class.

“Repeal it again!” they cried, (forty-two times)

And they took up their time, not preventing crimes,

By legislating the laws that focus on safety

Like restrictions on guns – no that would be crazy.

They took over the House and made it their business

To obstruct and destruct and to ask no forgiveness.

They were deaf to the voices of people who need it

Welfare recipients could all just go beat it.

No matter that the people, like Cindy Lou Who,

A girl without money, just like me and you.

Whose mother is sick and they aren’t insured.

Because if you’re poor in the US there isn’t a cure.

And Cindy Lou has been home all semester

Her Head Start program was lost in sequester.

Her mother can’t work because they can’t afford a sitter.

And the steady decline put her health in the shitter.

She always worked, paid her taxes, did her fair share,

And now, when she needs it, they wanna defund Obamacare?

“You have the right to pursue happiness –

Whatever that means.

But healthcare is not part of the American dream.”

But the law was held up by the highest court in the land,

And Ted Cruz, well he got up to take a stand,

A filibuster to defund it – and he was sober.

But it was all set to start in October.

His idea didn’t work, the wheels were in motion,

But Cruz is playing a long game, he wants his promotion.

They would take the whole government and shut it right down!

Boehner’s like, “This isn’t a game, I’m not fucking around.”

But it’s too little too late, it was out of his hands.

He was backed into a corner and gave into demands.


And Obamacare came,

And in all the confusion,

The Whos failed to see it was just a delusion

To keep them from seeing the hostile takeover

By those who wanted to give a makeover

To that old paper that started it all

That said that we should be governed for all

And not a small faction

That represents one percent

(A very small fraction)

And quiets dissent.

But when a small group plots against us

That’s called sedition.

Like a cancer, it’s a preexisting condition.

The tyrannical forces didn’t come from the left.

It was gotten in plain sight, it was a blatant theft.

It came without guns, it came without tanks,

It started when they deregulated the banks.

We opened the door for the Tea Party bigots

And now the current’s too strong to turn off the spigots.

We need is to issue some slips that are pink

To start over in Congress before the ship we’re on sinks.

What we need is what they call a market correction –

We need to remember in the midterm election.

The End



Author: Jaime Franchi

Jaime Franchi is a freelance writer living on Long Island. Her work can be found on, Milieu Magazine, Punchnel's and the New York Times.

10 thoughts on “How the Grinch Stole America”

  1. Been saying fire the Bums, Crooks and the certainly Unpatriotic Thieves for years!

    [ Though for us Cretins out here, it’s for mostly different reasons than yours ]

    We don’t need Term limits, what we need are Term Contracts and immediate Pink slip action when the Contract are not upheld and then we need re-elections within two weeks!
    [ you know, uphold the Contract which was the Platform the Candidate claimed will enforce or bring about in order to get themselves Voted into office ]

    All viable Candidates can remain in a pool after an Election in case another is needed. They of course could opt in or out as personal timing allows and anyone who can garner a reasonable percentage of votes would be eligible!
    [Whole Chapters could be presented on this idea alone]

    Time to wake up and make Special Interest Lobbying of our Representatives by past Representatives and or/by outright individual or Corporate Donation ILLEGAL !
    [ You were ever elected; well you can then never petition the government on behave of yourself and/or any organization EVER !

    While we are at it; no more appointees, anyone in a position of Power needs to be voted in on with one of those Contracts they espouse including those Supreme Justilldos what I’m tolds ]

    Shall I go on?

    It’s all a waste of breath anyhow here because the Who, the We the Peoples, Patriot and NoBorders Im here anyways alike allowed ourselves to become inmates in the asylum!

    The Who, indeed; we need the ” American People” need to step up and Vote for every level of government, including School Elections.

    How about fining individuals who fail to vote
    in two consecutive elections without a Physicians Assistants note; instead fining citizens who choose to opt out of the corrupt and illegally empowered Insurance Industry along with their partner in crimes, their Pharmaceutical Buddies!

    Time to clean the House and Senate !!!
    [ I’ll even sanction Bleach and Fluoride for this although I’d rather a nontoxic solution but those, you see, have all been regulated as illegal substances]

    Fast Eddie Cretin

  2. “We need is to issue some slips that are pink

    To start over in Congress before the ship we’re on sinks.”…Oh Yes, This WAS Brilliant.

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