Cyber Monday War on Terror

By introducing drones as their premier method to deliver goods, Amazon.com has not only raised the bar on home delivery, but has unwittingly provided the solution and the end to what had prior seemed to be an endless War on Terror.

There’s no debate that the assassination of Osama Bin Laden struck a mighty blow into the heart of Al Qaida. It was a coup for the Obama administration and a much needed win for the Americans in the War on Terror.

But it ain’t over. Not by a long shot.

Before his forced resignation after the Rolling Stone article penned by Michael Hastings that shed light on covert and sometime insubordinate military operations, General Stanley McCrystal led surge tactics to bump up force on enemy combatants. We can argue about how successful he was, (Hastings, however, can no longer participate in this discussion) but what remains is that Al Qaida has regrouped and has grown in strength since. And that traditional methods of curbing their threats have stagnated.

So I say, change routes. The military industrial complex is overblown as it is. With the economy in tatters, it’s best to put our dollars in private business. Besides the refreshing lack of governmental bureaucracy, it’s the patriotic thing to do.

I’m not suggesting we reinvent the wheel here. Amazon.com has provided the template from which we can combine two of America’s most vested interests: military bloodshed and shopping. By introducing drones as their premier method to deliver goods, Amazon.com has not only raised the bar on home delivery, but has unwittingly provided the solution and an end to what had previously seemed to be an endless War on Terror.Amazon Drone

 

It works like this: The United States has a number of key enemies who have plotted against us. Now, all we have to do is make a small purchase (I think you might need to upgrade to Amazon Prime as well) and send it via drone to alleged terrorists.

For instance, by ordering a Hutzler Banana Slicer for Hassan Izz-Din, one of the terrorists responsible for the bombing of TWA Flight 847 who is living in Lebanon, we help to prop up the US economy, and eliminate one of America’s Most Wanted.

I would order a Bic Cristal for Her ballpoint pen for Abdul Rahman Yasin, who is at large for the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.

I’m buying a gallon of Tuscan whole milk for Ahmed Ibrahim Al-Mughassil who is wanted by the United States in connection with the June 25, 1996 attack on the Khobar Towers complex in Saudi Arabia. Not because I know he likes milk, per se, but because the reviews on Amazon are hys-terical.

Besides a drone in his stocking, Ayman al-Zawahiri is getting Accoutrements Horse Head Mask because although I’m sure the Godfather reference will be lost on him, since he’ll be dead, I amuse myself. Again, the comments.

And finally, for Abdullah Ahmed Abdullah, believed to be responsible for the 1998 US Embassy bombing, I will send Uranium Ore via drone. Because what could go wrong there?

By cutting out the US Postal service in this endeavor, we give a nod to private corporation. By cutting out the US military in favor of Amazon.com, we send a strong message to the US public: shop local, act global. This is what real patriotism looks like.