Time to Chuck Schumer

Chuck Schumer is the honey badger of legislators. He devours campaign cash, microphones and anything else to advance his vainglorious cause. Or, as the narrator in the now-infamous badger video says, “Honey badger don’t give a shit, it just takes what it wants.”

As Long Island Press readers may have gathered by now, brevity is not my strength. And, admittedly, my more interminable diatribes have been known to prompt eye rolling, even from those who love me. Therefore I shall be as efficient as possible in conveying this important political message:

It’s time for Sen. Chuck Schumer to move on.

Chuck Schumer is the honey badger of legislators. He devours campaign cash, microphones and anything else to advance his vainglorious cause. Or, as the narrator in the now-infamous badger video says, “Honey badger don’t give a shit, it just takes what it wants.”

Schumer’s patented move of holding a Sunday press conference in order to glom Monday morning headlines has become a long-running joke in Washington, and yet the media continue to cover every one of his self-serving events. Frankly, starting the week by opening up the daily newspaper only to see Chuck’s mug has become tiresome and insulting. Rarely, if ever, do these photo opportunities translate into anything tangible. Don’t get me wrong, there is frequently a bill or resolution spawned from Chuck’s press conference of the week, but most are dead on arrival with a pitiful few ever being referred to committee.

Those that do get there are largely perfunctory resolutions naming things like post offices or commemorating individuals. More importantly, not one of the bills proposed by Chuck since the financial collapse in 2008 had any effect on the financial services industry to which he answers. In fact, since the implosion of the financial sector he has successfully guided only seven pieces of legislation through Congress. Three of them were to re-name buildings and one had to do with the handling and archiving of FDR’s memorabilia. Not one of the three remaining resolutions was tied to the financial industry in any way, shape or form.

Yet Schumer has reaped historic donations from Wall Street firms in large part by providing the most important service to them that he possibly can: nothing. Chuck Schumer has done nothing to stand in the way of the reckless deregulation that brought the economy to its knees; nor has he authored any reasonable solution to fix things. But behind the scenes he is the go-to guy for Wall Street and his campaign coffers are undeniable proof of his effectiveness at stymieing anything that would negatively impact the ill-gotten gains of the financial mafia.

His transition from representative to senator seems to mark the precise moment of Schumer’s Faustian bargain that now has him serving at the pleasure of many Wall Street wizards, all of whom offer their allegiance to the almighty dollar. Through this compact with the devil Schumer has emerged as the ultimate Washington insider and the head of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee from 2005 to ’09, a powerful fundraising arm of the Democratic Party, where he thrived. His tenure oversaw a record number of donations funneled to the committee, most notably from – you guessed it – the financial industry.

The past few months Chuckles has been uncharacteristically quiet given the raucous events taking place down on Wall Street. In fact, the man who has made his career occupying Wall Street himself and benefitting from its largesse has precious little to say to, or about, those in Occupy Wall Street. One has to search diligently for the senator’s reaction to a phenomenon so big Time Magazine just named “the protestor” as its Person of the Year only to discover that while he defends the rights of protestors, they should “make sure they don’t get in the way of every day New Yorkers getting to and from work and going about their daily business.”

Actually, Sen. Honey Badger, that’s the point. If we continue to do nothing—the art of which you have perfected—there won’t be any daily business. This is a crisis, Chuck. One you had a pretty big hand in creating, for the record. How so? By being the world’s greatest accomplice as a member of the U.S. Senate Committee on Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs.

Chuck was there when Congress repealed the 1933 Glass-Steagall Act, thus allowing investment banks and commercial banks to merge. He was there for the creation of the Enron Loophole in the Commodities Futures Modernization Act. And he was there when President George W. Bush allowed the Intercontinental Exchange to trade oil futures, and later swaps and derivatives, as a foreign exchange outside of the purview of U.S. regulators. Lastly, Schumer is widely credited as the guiding force behind the controversial bank bailouts. In each case, what Schumer said publicly was very different from how he acted and voted. Every scenario saw “public Chuck” peering over his spectacles and haranguing officials over minute details when in reality he was helping to turn the screw behind the scenes.

But it’s his utter silence since the banking crisis began and to a greater extent since the Occupy movement took off like a rocket that Schumer’s true colors have shown. Protestors flooded the streets of New York beginning in September, chanting phrases that have spread across the nation. Phrases such as “Banks got bailed out, we got sold out” and “Whose street? Our street!” But who sold us out exactly and who really “owns” the street? Chuck.
In between authoring legislation that never goes anywhere accompanied by a carnival sideshow of Sunday press conferences, Chuck is busy doing what he does best. In the past five years alone he has raised more than $19 million in personal campaign donations, the majority of which came from the following industries: 1) Securities & Investment, 2) Lawyers/Law Firms, 3) Real Estate, 4) Lobbyists, and 5) Miscellaneous Finance. There you have it. Chuck Schumer—man of the people.

There are only 100 of these clowns in the Senate. How did we get Bozo? This is the Empire State. Can’t we do better? Is it too late to try and convince Elizabeth Warren to move here instead?